Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

« We Are All God's Prey | Main | Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? »

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Comments

Green Of Eye

To be honest the first guy sounds like he would have gotten a bigger kick if you actually had gotten angry with him.

No i don't think you or anybody else should have to answer to anyone for the way you dress. Nor should you have to deal with harassment but there seems to be a large number of ignorant (both style and manners wise) people in this world. I wouldn't even justify the comments with an acknowledgement

Chin up m'dear- you look fabulous and are a little burst of colour in a world that is at times dreary-don't turn grey and let the f***ers get you down.x

Laurrren

thats RIDICULOUS!!! my pet hate is when you get a car horn beeped at you unexpectedly giving you a bloody heart attack...I get the shakes just walking down a busy road nowadays.

Lucky

Argh how awful. Personally I feel its better not to react, as it may make them think you actually give a toss about their opinions!

Louise

Isn't it so hard to say what you really want to in these situations? I can't be confrontational even if I've rehearsed it beforehand, let alone when caught by surprise. On the other hand, Lucky is being sensible and right. x

janavi

MEN ARE PIGS!!!!!

Green Of Eye

Yes Janavi let's lump them all into one category shall we. Makes things a bit easier to stereotype doesn't it.

Celia Marco

These are the moments that you could need to stop the time, like "hey, give me 1 minute to think what to answer you!" ;-)
People is always afraid of what they ignore, and there´s a lot of ignorant people out there!
I assure you that, in Spain, most of the time you "can´t" wear lot of things, even a hat, without put up with embarrasing comments.

Don´t give these people a f***.

jeralyn

Man... a similar thing happened to me last night. I was wearing a pair of jeans that I slashed on one leg and a car full of creeps rolled up next to me and said, "Wanna ride? We'll give you a ride, yeah we'll give you a ride, we'll chain you up..." -- Even though I was completely PISSED and wanted to punch them all in the face, I was also kind of scared... I'm not a frail girl by any means but a car full of older men who basically just threatened to sexually assault me isn't really something I want to mess with. Totally sucked. All I want to do is tell people to go fuck themselves when they say things like that, but part of me is always worried about the worse things they might do. It's something I think about A LOT, how women in cities are just expected to put up with these comments as a part of life and shrug them off but they can really wear you down. I could go on and on but I'll stop now... anyway, if you DO scream something crazy at someone tomorrow, I'd love to hear about it (maybe it will give me the courage to do the same!).

Isabel

Wow, that first guy sounds like a total dickwad.

Moda

What gets me is how these guys can really think we give a crap if they think we're sexy or not!? Neanderthal apes. Don't let the bastards get you down and you go and rock your PVC and leather tomorrow girl!

a

this is glasgow...

Corinne

Urgh! Sleazy men! WHY DO THEY EXIST?!

Corinne

That's sleazy men. not men is general. obviously ;)

moi

no no no...you don't swear, or retaliate, or laugh...you look them in the eye, look them up and down & give them the 'don't even dare open your mouth to me again' look. Or just do what I do & for ever have a face on you that says 'don't fucking approach me'...then I'm a guy & don't really get that kind of attention!!!! I do get guys shouting 'Beckham wannabe' at me though, not entirely sure why, I haven't seen Becks in Damir Doma, Rick or All Saintsy stuff before??? and come on, that was so 2004... ...you could of course take the complete opposite approach Michelle...something along the lines of...'yea...like me tie you up, piss in your mouth, shit on your chest and dice up your dick...' that might shut them up (perhaps my Stobhill side coming out)

Maayan

Hi Michelle,
I hope you don't have any plans of moving to NYC because things are much worse over here....
Let me just say as a first time commenter that I think our styles are somewhat similar, in fact, I've come to think of you as an older, more refined version of me, style wise.
I am shorter than you (though I wear heels all the time so people might not notice how short I am) and though slim, I'm bustier and as little curvier than you, which I find attracts a lot of unwanted attention. I live in NYC where I literally cannot walk out of the house without comments about my appearance.
I'm an eccentric dresser so I'm used to stares and comments but comments about my "sexiness" when the last thing on mind when getting dressed was trying to be "sexy", infuriate me.
I'm very confrontational with people who comment (I'm not a native new yorker, being confrontational is just part of my personality) and I find the men are often taken aback by the fact that a woman "dares" to talk back since they are so used to going about their lives harassing women like us.
That said, choose your battles, some men enjoy the response from you too much so try not to indulge them.
I would love to see your contrary PVC and leather outfit. It's been so hot here that I can only dream of PVC....

Amanda

post a pic!

Lady Winona of Likey

I would have reacted the exact same way, and I can't wait for some dumbass to try to say something to you tomorrow--he's gonna get the verbal beating of his life! :)

Shini

Uh those men think with their dickies, take no heed. They would probably tell a girl in uggs and sweatpants that she's sexy if it grants a slight hesitation from the girl's side to 'do something about it, my place? your place?'

Liz

I found that it really only takes one instance to get your confidence to start saying something.

My favorite response was very simple and completely off-the-cuff. When I lived in Paris, I used to walk though the Arab sections of Belleville and older men smoking hookah would hiss at me. So, I asked a Parisian friend, "What's up with all this hissing."
"Oh," she replied, with a kind of sheepish look, "That's their cat call."

I now live in Philadelphia. We have a lot Muslims. One day, I was walking down the street and this large guy hisses at me. I stop in my tracks and stare straight at him and say straight away, "Don't you hiss at me. I know what that means and you should be ashamed."

The look on his face was priceless: sheer shock. I think it's just about being resourceful and using anything and everything you have at your disposal. Sure, you might sound stupid or crazy. Or you could be spot on. But either way, you'll be laughing at yourself for years later. And that look they'll give you is worth it.

Stand up for yourself because you're beautiful and awesome.

dust

They all belong to "sad old git section".
I find it amazing that men that are obviously old enough to be our fathers, make the most of the comments. Sometimes I want to ask them what would they do if their daughters will get similar proposals.
Sad old git section!

MJ

Men. They don't understand fashion. Sometimes when I go out wearing glasses without any lenses or seagull feathers in my hair I get that, but for something as nice and, to be honest, relatively tame as what you were wearing it's a bit of a shame. I assume you won't let it stop you - you're too awesome for that - but it's still a bit rubbish. Who needs em?

http://dreamingspiresandoldcartyres.blogspot.com

cindy

some man made kissing noises at me today!!! grrr. i wanted to scream. plus, he was as old if not older then my dad. seriously what gives guys the right or the idea that this type of behavior is acceptable. it's disgusting.

Queen Michelle

Hmm, I think I'm going to go with Moi's "piss in your mouth" retort. Yes, that'll do nicely.

Louisa Daniel

this makes my blood boil too. Especially the kissing noises thing. Cant a girl just pop to the shop at lunch without some leachy builders gauping and a 'cheer up luv' ....grrr indeed.

Lixa

LASH THAT PATHETIC BAWBAG!!

Ainara

I know how you feel. When I was 14 a sunday afternoon a man approached me in a bus station. There was a woman in her twenties or so in the bus station too. He came to us and he told us we were beautiful. then he began telling us all the women were bitches and he knew what we wanted, all women are craving for a good dick (literally)blah blah, blah. I was really shocked and didn't know how to react. I was just "can't believe I'm hearing this shit". I was silenced by his words. When he left I studied the woman and her behaviour, I didn't want to be silenced in my twenties, I didn't want to be shocked in a similar situation, I din't want to be that woman.
Now everytime I hear shit I talk back. It's true that men aren't used to it, but why should I be used to listen to crap?
By the way I hardly used any make-up, any heels any "femenine" clothes till my twenties, so I find that these men just find an excuse in our clothes to talk disrespectfully. I's not what we are wearing , it's the fact of being a woman. When I was a younger I had a couple of "happenings" ( sticking my middle finger up works, or sorry dog, women like me aren't into zoophily), but since I started acting more confidently, it rarely happens to me. Sometimes in the tube when i feel a stare I stare back ( what the hell are you looking at?)and it's enough.

alain

Super ton blog
Je t'invite à découvrir le mien;
Bonne balade et tag si ca te plait
http://femmes-en-1900.over-blog.com/

Maria

It's awful that people think it's their place to comment or making harassing statements to other people, but you know what? I honestly think that humor IS the way to go. I think laughing it off IS the best thing to do. Well, maybe totally ignoring them could work too.

I can't say anyone should accept those kinds of comments, but an aggressive approach feeds just more aggression and provocation. I've found that finding the humorous side of offensiveness makes me feel better and lets the other person see that I'm not really shaken (even if I sometimes am).

Plus I don't really feel this is the place to start playing games on which is more clever with their lines, the offensive commenter or the "victim" of it. Just throw out the damn game and do't be any part of it.

Listlessbee

I just say, "Hm. Charming." Usually shuts them up.

Maria

I've been in that situation when I dress um "different" or "sexy" and I can never tell whether I should be offended or flattered when some sleaze opens his mouth. I usually make an exit with a nervous laugh, and it comes out before I can react otherwise. Unfortunately, I think it just comes with territory. Everyone has their stereotypes of what certain items of clothing or outfits imply about a person. I know I do. It would help if they kept these comments to themselves, though...

sonambula

my creepiest experience lately was last winter when i was buttoned into a coat, from neck to knee, net tights, gloves and knee-length boots. walking home from college i saw an elderly man putting his grandson into his daughter's car, waving them off. how sweet, i thought to myself. i passed him by as he was closing his gate, and he decided to hiss 'dirty slut' and similar sweet nothings.. i think what freaked me out that time was just how unexpected it was? i was wearing nothing even slightly provocative, and he was hardly a drunken lout on the street at 3am..

Maya

Ladies, an advice from someone who was twenty at the time when terms "politically correct" and sexual harassment" were totally unknown: ignore. These morons want to get a reaction from you, want you to engage and give them attention. Don't. Don't let them upset you and ruin your day... If you really want to retaliate, give them a withering look along the lines "how dare you talk to me".
I may be a bit more forgiving towards the posh old guy; making "sexy" remarks to young women is most likely all he has left.
On the other hand, I'm sometimes (still) getting a genuine complement ("wow, you look fantastic!") in which case I smile, say "thanks!" and go about my business.

Maya

Just to explain - I'm talking about old posh guy from Queen Michelle's post, not the one hissing "dirty slut". In this case, I'm not sure if I would be able to follow my own advice and ignore. I probably would say "you wish, grampa!"

malinda

For me, the "don't even think of speaking" look usually does the trick. But I generally do not even acknowledge comments.

oddly enough, the hoots, whistles, etc have gotten worse in the last 6 months. I'm tall, proportional (not slim but not fat) amd ride a bike every where. I never would get whistled at riding my bike but suddenly I can't ride with out at least getting leered at.

emilesque

long-time lurker posting here. because i'm so pleased! it's always a delight to hear a confident woman preparing to stand up for herself against this kind of behaviour. good for you!

on a side note, my personal approach when something like this happens is to go all ticked-off mum on them. they ain't going to think i'm sexy after i've told them that they should be ashamed of themselves and ask them if they talk to their mothers in that tone. higher success rate than you'd think.

AngieMontreal

I'm not sure what it is with Montreal, but this kind of thing happens to me a lot. First, my fave responses:

- Je m'excuse je ne parle pas francais (my bad accent convinces them)
- Sorry, no english (fake bad accent works equally well)
- do I know you?
- Why do you think I want to talk to you? (then give them a confused look and walk away)

And now, a story to either inspire or terrify:

About a year ago my mom was visiting me and we were riding the metro. We stupidly got in the last car, and throughout our ride it slowly emptied, except for this huge black dude. I didn't even notice he was there, until he got up from his seat and moved to a different seat facing us. "That's weird" I thought, then kept talking to my mom. A few minutes later, my mom went silent and started acting strange. So I looked at the guy, and he had whipped it out and was...let's just say "giving it some attention".

So this is the point where I turn to my mom and blurt "That guy has his cock out!" which was embarassing enough all on its own. To which she replies "I know, just ignore him"

So we're "ingoring" him, not very well 'cause he's creeping the hell out of us and we're alone with him, so we m sit down still facing him (WTF, right?)

We get to our stop, and the perv is getting out there too! We don't know what to do...then as he's getting out he turns to us and WAVES AND SMILES!!!! The asshole actually did that.

So then my rage-meter hits the roof, I grab my moms arm and say "We're getting out NOW!" So we get out, he sees that we're getting out too, he panics, tries to get back in, but the door closes too quick, and he's stuck on the platform.

So now that I'm in a frenzied rage, I actually SMILE (according to my mom) then stomp over to him, point my finger right in his face and scream "Sir, you better WATCH OUT, 'cause someone is comin' to GET YOU!"

Then I grabbed my mom and we ran up the stairs to tell the security the perv was down there. Of course they didn't do anything (unless you count staring blankly at me) but I am SOOOO glad I stood up for myself and scared the shit out of that guy.

I do kinda wish I called him a motherf**ker instead of "sir", but my mom was there, and I'd already said "cock" in front of her so...

OK, essay over....

Ms Constantine

Dress it all up with some steel cap boots or pointy toes, kick them in the nuts, and then say "how do you like me now, bitch?"

Why do men feel the need to actually tell you they think you look sexy. It's pretty obvious by the way they leer sometimes what they're thinking. Do they think your going to say, why thanks want to come back to mine? Creepy old men!

AngieMontreal

Oops, typo in my post should say
"so we moved to another car and sit down, still facing him"

Ms Constantine

O and for the old guy, you could just look him up and down and then either laugh or just say 'as if'.

Jemesii

I actually had a man try to grab my leg while I was wearing a pair of the wet leggings.. and on the same day a group of trashy women tried to take my photo on their camera phones in the DMV because they had decided, loudly and snarkaly, that I looked like cat woman.

I'm sorry they were so skuzzy to you!

KD

I hate hate hate that any man would find that the least bit acceptable! That said, I don't blame you for your reaction - these dudes often catch one off guard.

patricia

fucking idiot...I totally relate to how you felt...
anyway, don't let the bastards grind you down...you rock! :)
love your website
greetings from chile!

Kelly

i definitely agree that men have no excuse for being disrespectful to women. i have to say though that certain clothing that's associated with a certain type of woman will attract the creeps. just an old stereotype that will not die. men don't understand trends like we do. tight leather or tight shiny clothes and the like only means streetwalker type to them. that's not right, but i'm just being real.

SwanDiamondRose

often i stop flying my colours because i can't deal with people. i covered up completely for a couple of summers because i couldn't handle jerks. i've lost it a few times and gotten really angry with some people who called out to me crudely. so i hear you. i remember my sister actually walked out onto a highway, where these 2 guys were stopped at a red light after they had honked and called out to us when driving by. people use their cars for so much protection. and she went "did you want to talk to me?". right in their face. they were terrified. and stared straight ahead. it was amazing. it's so often these guys in cars. so chicken. i really think that if guy's start realizing that they might get it back, they won't start so much. i've gotten vocal with some people though, after they were aggressive somehow on the street, and it just made it worse. you have to know what you will be safe. and it for sure isn't something lacking in you if you can't step up every time. it's all so sad because, who really wants to see women not dressing freely and beautifully. that'd be a sad day.

SwanDiamondRose

you know i just read more of these comments and i really think that the "do nothing" approach isn't that great. i mean women were really allowed to "do nothing" forever and ever. and looky what's still happening. so? dunno about that. letting someone know you are a human, and that you are alive, and awake and talk back and heck maybe more, is pretty powerful stuff. but again, it shouldn't be a judgement of the woman if it's difficult for them to deal with aggressive, harassing people.

WendyB

At this point in my life, honest to God, I probably would have said, "Thank you." I'm serious, y'all! Pathetic, isn't it!

SUPA KiD

dont let them get to you

Something like that happened to me, but a car full of women kept returning to where I was sitting and throwing insults at me for the dress I had( it was yellow)... then the last time they returned I waited for them and they ran like hell...

still confrontation is not always good...
there are crazy people out there

take care queen,
Love your blog

SUPA KiD!

Louise

Wow this certainly has provoked some debate. A global problem, obviously. What can you do? There are always going to be dicks. I'll throw in my favourite story: I was walking along, not particularly oddly dressed, WITH MY MOUTH SHUT, and this dirty man walking ahead of me turns around and out of nowhere announces, 'You could do with getting your teeth whitened', I was rather caught off balance and couldn't come up with a reply before he carried on 'Come round to my place and I'll do it for you. WITH MY COCK'. I literally had no idea what to say, in fact I think I was so shocked that I just smiled and carried on walking. Which is a bit weak, but I was genuinely scared as well. You never know how people will react to a big "Fuck You"

Mie

I have that problem too! But I solve it by keeping a verbal arsenal of retorts for such situations, which is very helpful. When I was younger, I had to walk through a neighbourhood inhabited by people of very poor manners on my way to school. For some reason, the boys who lived there used to shout at me suggesting I was, eh, of negotiable chastity, if you will. I complained to my boyfriend, who was a bit older, who told me to reply that I was too expensive for them. I know it can be a bit difficult for men at times where fashion allows women to dress up in distressed hotpants, thigh high boots and crop tops without being suggestive, but honestly! We should be able to walk around naked without anyone thinking that entitles them to make a pass at us!

Natty

To be honest, I just strug stuff like that off and see it as a very misconstrued compliment. Years ago, back in the grunge days I used to wear silky night slips out as dresses and court a lot of male attention but I just used to laugh it off. I knew that wearing something like that would mean that the more sleazy spectrum of malehood would comment and was prepared for it. However when it borders into sick and scary sexual comments, I never laugh that off, some swearing and a slap usually puts a lid of that type of talk.

The comments to this entry are closed.

You May Speak

Seek And Ye Shall Find


  • WWW
    kingdomofstyle.typepad.co.uk